It’s the eve of the first Gator Game of the season. I’ll put on my gator shirt, fix a table full of snacks and pretend I care. I’m trying to care. Maybe if I fake it for a while, I will care. So many Saturdays you and I spent together watching THE game. Shouting at […]
September 20, 2020
The worst thing about losing him… I do it again every single morning. There is no forward, there is no past. There is only that one day, a single moment.
September 21, 2020
Another day. Not a great one. Sad, frustrated, lost… When will COVID end? I’m so sick of it. I want to hug Mama and Daddy. I want to sit at their dinner table and talk. I want to help Mama with dishes. I want to hug my sisters, and Jeorgia and Dani. I want to […]
September 15, 2020
Anger. Oh boy. Almost everything makes me angry. My older sister wrote me a nice long email full of “helpful” grief information. Literally page after page. But the only thing my heart locked onto was the phrase that after something terrible happens the world beats a path to your door for five minutes. And my […]
September 14, 2020
Drip drip drip. Tropical Storm Sally has been raining on us for three days. The gray drizzle suits my mood but makes me want to sleep all the time. When I’m awake and not working I stare out across the field and wonder why I’m here. Does the butterfly wonder too or does he know […]
September 13, 2020
Sunday afternoon blues. No plans no responsibilities, only time to reflect. Beau cried like his heart was broken when he had to leave with Mama. He has a lot of fun out here. I know he’ll be better in two minutes, but it’s still hard. The back of my car holds boxes I picked up […]
September 10, 2020
All my mind wants to do is hibernate. Let my body do physical stuff while my mind figures out how to put all my pieces back together. But here I am looking at unemployment, with no backup. I have to find a job. That’s my goal for today: Find two and apply. I can’t imagine […]
September 9, 2020
I’m on week 21. There are times that I laugh, smile, feel happiness, and even look forward to things. Some bereaved parents say they feel guilty for feeling happiness. I don’t have that. I’m thankful for every minute that isn’t spent in anguish. I do best when I keep my days busy with non-pressure activities. […]
September 8, 2020
I need to see him, touch him, smell him, laugh at his bad dad jokes, fix him fried chicken and macaroni and cheese, get a text from him, play a video game with him, sit on the back porch and watch the bird feeder, fuss at him over his messy room, his clothes still in […]
September 7, 2020
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