My grandson Beau is with me for the weekend. He’s two. And brings me joy and pain all at once. Joy because he’s such a precious little fella. Pain because he’s so much like his father. It’s hard to be with him. But harder to be without him.  I curled up in bed with him […]

Twenty weeks. Long weeks. Lonely weeks. Where are you?

The last man standing in the middle of the night was Jim. Insensitive sometimes, but patiently present for hours on end. He tried. He’s gone now too. Barely a word in the past week. Busy… The misery is too much. For everyone. Especially me. I was told by other mothers this would happen, but I […]

The Mirror My eyes are green Hers are black Her hand goes to my face Who is she? Who am I? Will I ever see me in the mirror again?

Received the final email from medical examiner today. Official cause of death was Severe Bacterial Bronchopneumonia. It can be cured with an antibiotic. I don’t know if it’s possible to cry any harder than I have. My chest hurts like I’m having a heart attack. Constant pressure like someone is sitting on me. My fingers […]