This site was named wrong. I’m not still the Mama. It’s clearer every day. I think the site was named in a fit of denial. I am nobody’s mother. I will never be Mama again. The depths of despair that thought brings is unrecoverable.

My phone is silent. No chirp of a text, “How are you?” They don’t even give me a chance to lie, “I’m fine, thank you.” I won’t tell you I’m not healing. I won’t tell you how much I hate this life. I won’t tell you how much I hate God. I won’t tell you […]

The holidays… I heard they would be bad. I had no clue how devastating they would actually be. I hate everyone. Happy New Year… they are so relieved 2020 is over and a wonderful new year is starting. My fury is intense and hot. Bitter. I don’t even write anymore. There’s nothing to scream that […]