Losing your only child is the most obliterating thing on earth. It demolishes your identity. It demolishes your friendships. It demolishes your faith. It demolishes your trust. It demolishes your view of the world. It demolishes your hopes. It demolishes your tomorrows. It demolishes your dreams. It demolishes your plans. It demolishes your family. It […]

Grief is isolating. Often I feel as if I’m on one side of a river and everyone I know is on the other side. My side of the river is not without beauty, there are almond trees and olives, but it’s a hard hilly country with little shade whereas the other side has plenty of […]

Each week has grown more quiet. The days longer. More aimless. I used to enjoy anticipating outings, holidays, dinner with family, a lone meal of crab legs, a good book, all sorts of things. There is no anticipation anymore. I don’t look forward to anything at all. I exist. Going because I should. Doing because […]

Ben sent me roses every Valentine’s Day after Jim and I split up. He was thoughtful and kind. They seemed to make him as happy as they made me. Today was tough. I had sweet Beau with me today. And Mama and Daddy gave me a nice card this morning. I opened it and it […]

That Day We wept and wailed that day. Time stopped. They buried me, except they didn’t. They left me standing. Here but not here. Upright but fetal. Breathing but holding my breath. Watching but not seeing. Speaking but not talking. Alive but dead. On That day. Now I’m like a tree, rooted to the spot. […]

Just when I think I’m doing better, my mind reels with fresh loss, tears spring to my eyes and I feel like running away and hiding and never coming out again. Instead, I sink lower in my chair and cry. Alone as always. I cry until my eyes swell and hurt. Until my nose is […]