Mama and Daddy buried Miracle Kitty. She painted a beautiful board to mark her grave in the pet cemetery. 

Their dog, Keeper curled up underneath the marker and rested. He’ll miss her as much as I do. They were best buddies. 

Mama came over and said “Jeorgia is on her way over, she’s coming to spend the night with you.” I felt so relieved. I honestly did not know how I was going into the dread of night losing my job and cat on the same day. My desperation every single night is almost unbearable. How to face a new night with all that on top of my usual… no idea. 

Jeorgia showed up with a little cardboard box and in it was the tiniest cutest little ball of fluff. She hissed at me as I reached in to lift her out. An angry little spitfire. But beautiful in my eyes. I’m angry too, we’ll do well together. We introduced her to Keeper wrapped in a towel to  avoid the angry claws but it did no good at all. She puffed up three times her normal size and turned into the Tasmanian devil. I couldn’t hold her. Not sure they’ll be best friends like he and Miracle were. 

Mama brought us supper, as she has every night since Ben passed. Her suppers have been the best part of my day for 16 weeks. I look forward to her coming. We visit. She listens to my unending grief with love and understanding. Never too tired or too busy to hear. And love. And comfort. We enjoyed her fried pork chops and fried sausage, Lima beans, macaroni and cheese 😢, fresh onion. She said she didn’t know what else to do with the news of our day so she just started cooking. That’s all she knew to do. I can’t think of any better way to deal with all this. I filed that away in my head. Someday I’ll grief cook for someone else.

Jeorgia and I curled up on opposite ends of the old couch in the barn and visited late into the night. She soothes me. She listens without judgment, talks without fear, and helps me limp along through this crippling grief. God gives gifts to people and she uses hers in the best way. Where she got so much wisdom and courage, I don’t know. But I love her for it. 

We went to bed very late and I vowed I wouldn’t sob but the pain of the day was too much and my silent tears turned into quiet sobs. Then the grief language came again from the Holy Spirit and brought intense relief. I tried to keep it quiet so I wouldn’t disturb her at the other end of the camper, but I was Blessedly thankful for the peace that surrounded me after it stopped and I drifted into sleep. Another day, survived. 

The next day I started cutting unnecessary expenses. Netflix, youtubeTV, Sirius XM, etc. I updated my resume and sent it to my area manager and uploaded it to several job websites. I have to find a new job. 

I can’t believe I’m having to do this while dealing with my shattered world. How do I do this…

One stupid foot in front of the other? I keep hearing that. And it still annoys me as much now as it did the first time. What does it even mean??????