This is what happens when I have one moment when my mind is not engaged in distraction.

I was doing okay, playing a word game on my phone. I stopped to go to the bathroom. Walking through the bedroom my mind lurched where it always wants to go:

“My kid is dead.”

The unwanted thought sent a bleak shudder of surprise and pain.

“How is that possible?”

“How could he die without me there?”

“Was he scared?”

“Does he need me?”

“I should be there.”

Why am I still here when he is there? Where is there really? Can I reach for my faith and believe I know where THERE is?

In a single moment, my efforts at distraction were rendered useless by my mind’s betrayal.

I walked and wept. I tried to chase the thoughts away so the weeping didn’t become wailing.

Fourteen months soon. And I’m still enduring the shock moments.

Do they ever go away?