I had leg cramps today. So I started hunting my bottle of magnesium. Couldn’t find it anywhere, so finally thought about my overnight bag tucked away in the back of the closet. Maybe there…

My overnight bag was sitting on a shelf at the back of the closet. Beside it was a red bucket. Curling from the top of the bucket was a black leather belt. I knew what was under it. The last outfit Ben had worn home. Still unwashed and untouched.

The bucket is where he placed his clothes after undressing in the garage. A precaution we took at the beginning of Covid. Undress in the garage, wrap a towel around you, and head straight for the shower. Little good it did.

I had grabbed the bucket on one of my early visits back home to gather a few clothes. I had placed it in the back of my closet and hasn’t revisited it since.

The sight made my chest tighten. I could feel the wails rising up and couldn’t choke them back. I had a fleeting thought, “I sound like the cows the night after we separate the calves from their mothers.” I cried so hard I had to make my way to the bathroom and vomit.

I closed the door to the closet. I’m exhausted.