All my mind wants to do is hibernate. Let my body do physical stuff while my mind figures out how to put all my pieces back together.

But here I am looking at unemployment, with no backup. I have to find a job. That’s my goal for today: Find two and apply.

I can’t imagine starting a new job right now. How, God How?????????????? Why God Why?????????????????

It’s too much.

Later update:

I failed at the “find two and apply.” So a new goal for Monday, ditto.

Beau is peacefully sleeping. Sweet little face on my pillow. I hug him close and remind myself he’s not Ben. It’s so hard.

We have a tropical storm coming so he and I may be stuck in the camper all weekend. He likes puzzles and books just like Ben did. Good thing, we may be reading them over and over.

It was a good day today except when I went to pick Beau up. He wasn’t there yet so I cleaned out my desk and found a handwritten Birthday Card from Ben to me. Scrawled in pencil it read:

“I wonder if you know that while you were busy raising me, loving me, sacrificing for me, I was busy learning from you all of life’s most important lessons. While watching you, I learned how to laugh often and love fiercely, how to work hard and keep faith. Because of YOU, I know what it means to be a genuinely good person… and I couldn’t be more grateful. Happy Birthday!!! I Love You! Love, Your son”